Ridiculous Spam Friday Goes to Eleven

Today’s collection of ludicrous spam emails is one louder, innit?*

From: Kim Farah
Date: Tuesday, June 22, 2010 5:58 AM
To: none
Subject: Your Email Has Been Chosen

Good day,
I am Mr. Kelvin Barry, Director Of Operations, of Euro Million Lottery Company, United Kingdom. I am soliciting your sincere Co-operation for a swift transfer of £4,528,000 GBP which would be allocated to your E-mail address as the winner in our ballot draws. If you are willing to Co-operation with me in this project and you will be having 60% of the total funds while I would have 40%.All you need to do is that, you register online with Euro Million Lottery Company and as a result of my position in the company I would make it possible that your E-mail address would be drawn as the winner of the above stated amount.You would agree with me that naturally, everybody would like to play a lottery if they are assured of winning. Thus I am assuring you today that you would be a winner with my influence. Please do not take this for granted as this is a one in a life time opportunity, as we both stand to collectively gain from this at the success of the transaction. Should you be willing to Co-operation with me in this transaction please do get in contact me, so that I inform you on how to go about the registration process. Reply To this E-mail: emlulclaims001@yahoo.com.hk
Best regards,
Mr. Kelvin Barry,
Director Of Operations.
Euro Million Lottery, UK

NOTICE: This email message is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply email and destroy all copies of the original message.

This is one of the most typical spam messages I’ve ever seen. It has it all:

  • Disagreement between the name in the “from” line and the name given in the message? Check.
  • Disagreement between the email address in the “from” field (ldschurch.org domain) and the one given in the message? Check.
  • Lottery winners chosen by email address? Check.
  • The implication that you’re doing something not quite legal (so don’t tell anyone)? Check.
  • The offer to share the prize money? Check.
  • An email address with a Hong Kong country code? Check.
  • Bad English? Check.
  • A fake lottery based in the United Kingdom? Check.

It’s like an exhibit from the Antique Spam Museum, if there were such a thing. Let’s move on, shall we?

From: James Labonte <jlabon220@eircom.net>
Date: Friday, June 18, 2010 6:50 AM
To: none
Subject: Business Proposal..

Dear friend,
 
Sorry to bother you, I know we haven’t spoken before but I’m currently looking for someone trustworthy to work with me on a profitable project.
 
My name is James Labonte, I’m originally from South Africa but now living here in London.  I moved here to work with WESTBRIDGE FINANCE & LOGISTICS as a Senior Account Manager in the audit department. Note, WESTBRIDGE FINANCE & LOGISTICS is a Finance and Security Company, they are incharge of funds of individual and co-operate bodies who do not want to disclose there wealth.And they are also a security firm as well.
 
The reason for my email is that myself and a colleague recently discovered an Offshore account which was opened with a large sum of money in 2004, since then there has been no activity on the account and all the contact details we have for the customer appear to be out of date, with the interest which has built up over the last few years, the balance of the account is now £17.9m.
 
Only me and a friend of mine, one of our audit managers know about this account and we decided to keep it to ourselves while we investigated it. It turns out that the account is in the name of a foreigner who has died.  We have no details of heirs or next of kin so the money will just end up being sucked up by the security company .

As we are the only two people at the bank with access to this information and we have decided to keep it that way and claim the money for ourselves using a third party who will take the place of the deceased next of kin…. and that’s where you come in to it, of course if you are interested, We’ll do all the paper work for you and we’re pretty sure the process will be 100% risk free for the three of us. We’re able to produce any documents that will be required.
 
Obviously we’d be looking to take a cut of the funds ourselves, so we propose 70/30, I and my colleague will take 35% of the funds each leaving you with a very generous 30%.

Again, sorry for intruding in your email, if you are interested then get back to us with this email address jameslabonte97@yahoo.com.hk
 
Regards,
James Labonte

More sender/reply-to email address discrepancies, although they did have the brilliant idea of making the sender’s name the same in both places.

This is a case of “Even If It Was Real, You Wouldn’t Want In On It.” These guys are going to embezzle millions of dollars? First, why would they choose you out of six billion people to share it with? Second, why would you want to be a part of a crime of this magnitude?

Of course, it’s not real, so you don’t have to worry about that. All you would have to worry about is how you’d replace the thousands of dollars you lost when you wired it to these clowns.

NEXT!

From: Jiang Jianmin <Jiang.Jianmin@ctcb.cn>
Date: Saturday, May 01, 2010 2:02 AM
To: none
Subject: Very Important

Good Day,
 
I have a secured business proposal of $28,272,000.00.Contact me via my private email(cncn1_jiang_jianmin2011@yahoo.com.cn)if interested.
 
Mr Jiang Jianmin.

You’re not even trying, are you, Mr. Jiang?

I’ve noticed a pattern—spam and scam messages always seem to start off with “good day” or “dear friend.” I don’t think I’ve ever received a legitimate email message with either of those salutations, and I know for a fact I’ve never sent one.

* If you haven’t seen This is Spinal Tap, this is…you know what? Just go watch This is Spinal Tap. Today if possible.