Welcome to Part VIII of our little series on absolutely ludicrous spam emails. At risk of sounding like Joe Hollywood here, let’s cut to the chase…

From: Tyler <auto_renew@coulter.com>
Date: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 1:16 PM
To: [correct address]
Subject: Called Home

We called the number on file yesterday and did not receive an answer.

We are using the email on file to send you the same Free sample offer. Please take the trial we are presenting
and let us know how it works for you.

Thank you.

http://medianewsworld.ru

I checked it out. This “medianewsworld.ru” is a known spam domain. Russia has become a hotbed of this sort of activity, to the point that I sort of wonder why they didn’t try to disguise the link. Of course, you don’t really need to know that to figure out that you shouldn’t trust this garbage, because it’s a link in an email from a stranger. Never click on those, okay?

From: DEAN HARRY <info@deanharry.com>
Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010 5:16 AM
To: DEAN HARRY & ASSOCIATES
Subject: NOTIFICATION FOR YOUR INHERITANCE !!!

Barristers’ Chambers:
DEAN HARRY & ASSOCIATES
EMAIL:bar_deanharry23@9.cn
Address: 33 Bedford Row
London WC1R 4JH, England
PARTNER MANAGING
DEAN HARRY & ASSOCIATES
LONDON – UK.

Attention:

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Ng Teng Fong. I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Ng Teng Fong made you a beneficiary in his WILL. He left the sum of(USD$21, 100,000.00) to you in the Codicil and last testament to his WILL. Late Ng Teng Fong died on the 23rd of Jan. 2008 and his WILL is now ready for execution after 2 years of thorough investigation of the whereabouts of all his beneficiaries.

According to him, this money is to support your humanitarian/medical activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you as I hope, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job.
I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

I await your prompt response and please keep this very discrete and to yourself until the transfer of the funds to you is finalized.

Yours in Service,

Dean Harry Esq.
Principal Partner.
Partners: Aidan Walsh Esq. Markus Wolfgang, John Marvey Esq. Jerry Smith Esq.

Email: bar_deanharry23@9.cn

And a London-based law firm has an email address based in China (.cn) why?

Just another variant on the old advance fee fraud. Plus, while I’m no expert on my lineage, I do know that it’s Prussian/German on one side and English by way of France on the other, and I’m fairly certain I’m not a descendent of anyone named “Ng Teng Fong.”

Cool, irrelevant fact about my lineage: apparently the French/English side included some actual highwaymen several hundred years ago. See? I’m making good…descended from robbers, now educating you on how to avoid being robbed. Anyway, delete this junk.

From: Contest Department <noreply@customfrmes.com>
Date: Monday, March 15, 2010 10:27 AM
To: [correct address]
Subject: Official $50,000 Sweepstakes Entry

You could be our next $50,000 Winner!     

http://customfrmes.com/c/CtLJEB6Apfg_lyF4uwSQDQ.html?0      

Think you’ve got answers to the big questions of the day? Play Predicto!

Text your vote on the latest hot topics and earn points for BIG PRIZES, like Xbox 360s, Nintento Wiis, iPods, and a monthly $500 Giveaway.      

Plus, every vote gets you a chance to win our $50,000 Grand Prize!      

Go below:     
http://customfrmes.com/c/CtLJEB6Apfg_lyF4uwSQDQ.html?0      
      
—     
If you no longer wish to receive emails from PredictoMobile, please write to Park 80 West, Plaza II, Suite 200, Saddle Brook, NJ 07663      

or click here to unsubscribe: http://customfrmes.com/c/CtLJEB6Apfg_lyF4uwSQDQ.html?1     

To remove yourself from this list,
click here http://customfrmes.com/u/CtLJEB6Apfg_lyF4uwSQDQ.html
or write to us at:
PO Box 7775
San Francisco, CA 94120

I can’t even speculate what this one is all about. I do know I wouldn’t touch any of those links with a ten-foot pole, including the “unsubscribe” link; just what I need—to confirm that my email address is valid to these spammers.

Sure, I’ll “play Predicto.” PREDICTION: If you click these links and try to follow the instructions to enter the sweepstakes, you’ll end up losing money somehow.

Is that how you play?